Book Review: Scary Close – Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

Book Review: Scary Close – Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

_225_350_Book.1491.coverAbout the Book:

New York Times bestselling memoirist Donald Miller takes readers on his yearlong journey to learn to abandon performance-based relationships and find real intimacy.

When fling after fling led to a rich fantasy life, lots of drama, and a long series of heartaches, Donald Miller decided he’d had enough. There must be a better way to soothe loneliness without jumping on a roller coaster, to feel affirmation without putting on a show, to find true love. It wasn’t just about finding the right girl, though that helped. Once he found her, he had to know what to do-or who to be. A manipulative control freak? A successful workaholic? His usual methods had drawbacks. But the alternatives were not just hard to do; they were hard to imagine.

From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes a story about finding the keys to a healthy relationship and discovering they are also the keys to a healthy family, a healthy career, and a healthy mind. And it all feels like a conversation with the best kind of friend: smart, funny, true, important. Scary Close is Donald Miller at his best.

About the Author

Donald Miller is the author of several books, including the bestsellers Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. He helps people live a better story at and helps leaders grow their businesses at He lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with his wife, Betsy, and their chocolate lab, Lucy.

My Thoughts:

I read the title and knew I wanted to read the book.

Scary Close sits somewhere between a memoir and a dialogue on what it looks like to live love.  Telling his own story, Don shares with us the questions that guided his journey.  The press-release makes it sound like it’s primarily a book on guy/girl relationships and while that’s a part of the story it would be doing the book a huge disservice to limit it to romantic love.  This is a story about relating to everyone as your true self with loving character and healthy intentionality.  Not every idea resonated with me, still I enjoyed sharing this journey and I’m walking away with some helpful questions for my own life.  I recommend this book.

I’ll let the author speak for himself with some quotes:

That’s the gist of this story, I suppose.  These are snapshots of the year I spent learning to perform less, be more myself, and overcome a complicated fear of being known.

Sometimes the story we’re telling the world isn’t half as endearing as the one that lives inside us.

I have to trust that my flaws were the ways through which I would receive grace.  We don’t think of our flaws as the glue that binds us to the people we love, but they are.  Grace only sticks to our imperfections.  Those who can’t accept their imperfections can’t accept grace either.

For some, becoming capable of intimacy is as difficult as losing a hundred pounds.  It involves deconstructing old habits, overcoming the desire to please people, telling the truth, and finding satisfaction in a daily portion of real love.

What else changes a person but the living of a story?

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